As lost as I'll ever be.

Standard sixth-former, except not.

Confused by life, startled by reality, but cradled by dreams.

Happy, unless I'm sad and forever hopeful.

Yep. I'm your average girl.

During Math Test

  • Me: ok i can do this.
  • Me: Wait how do you do this?
  • Me: Omg did i even learn this?
  • Me: How the fuck are you suppose to know this?
  • Me: Ugh what time is it?
  • Me: Im hungry.
  • Me: I probably should've studied.
  • Me: What the fuck.
  • Me: It would be funny if someone passed out.
  • Me: I hate everyone here.
  • Me: Why do my hands look so weird?
  • Me: I wonder if she's a virgin?
  • Me: I wonder if he's a virgin?
  • Me: UGH why wont anyone let me cheat off their paper?
  • Me: I hate this class room. Its too green.

When you’ve wanted something so badly for so long, it hurts so much to just watch it slip slowly between your fingers as you try to frantically cling on to shards of hope.
I feel like my life plans have been completely shattered because of ONE fuck-up.
I’ve been stripped of the VERY little confidence I had in my academic abilities and of the security of the plans I’ve had for myself.
It’s just so painful when reality comes crashing down on you and everything is beyond your control.

Crying doesn’t fix anything, but it acts like such a comfort to see how my body reacts to the emotional pain that is tearing away inside me.
I feel so drained- both physically and emotionally.
I’ve been crying on and off since 12pm, with major waterworks at 3ish (on the train) and when I got in from meeting a friend tonight. The worst thing is that the momentary high of happiness after a long crying session gives you a false sense of security that you’ve let it all out, only to hours later, discover that in fact, you haven’t at all and find yourself crying again.

I’m going to try and get some sleep now, before I begin to panic again and end up with little, uneasy sleep again.

VMAs were so boring this year.

No spectacular performances, no controversial hosts, no Kanye being a prick… it lacked the vibe that the VMAs usually have. 

I just wasn’t impressed.